Are children affecting your couple relationship? — Relationships Australia
Relationship problems advice if you are having relationship problems or are thinking It can be hard as a parent to take off your “mummy” or “daddy” head but it is It seems that for some people seeking help about children and parenting is. 7 Relationship Problems That Children Of Toxic Parents Struggle With worth, and have seriously complicated relationships with their parents. Both children and parents find it difficult to thrive in a chaotic household. Relationships Australia counselling can help you discuss the issues that are causing.
Child checked in with the Cowans to peek into the early findings suggested by their studies. So far, the results have been clear: After having a child, couples' marital satisfaction declines, negatively affecting kids emotionally and academically. But this downward slide is not inevitable. Some couples' marriages remain strong and happy, as do their children. What are these couples doing right?
And why do so many relationships seem to suffer after children?
Relationship problems - Family Lives
In an interview, the Cowans -- married for 45 years, with three grown children and seven grandchildren -- shared what they believe are the ingredients to a happy family. You say most couples become less satisfied with their marriages after having kids. How unhappy are they? Are certain childrearing stages harder on relationships? Ninety-two percent of those in our first study described a gradual increase in conflict after having their baby.
By the time their babies were 18 months old, almost one of four couples indicated that their marriage was in distress.
One stage is not harder on relationships than another. There is a cumulative erosion of satisfaction over time. Parents of school-age children experience less depression and personal stress than they did when their kids were babies, but marital satisfaction continues its steady decline for most couples.
Yet some parents remain happily married. What is their secret? The key to marital satisfaction lies in how couples manage the decision-making process. It's not whether the couples have problems, because every couple does. But when babies come along, there are a lot more issues and differences of opinion to negotiate, and a couple's ability to do so with cooperation and respect can make or break the marriage. It's also important for partners to hear each other's outbursts without immediately firing back or engaging in blame.
And the one who's said or done something thoughtless needs to make amends later. Saying, "I made that comment out of anger. I really didn't mean it," goes a long way toward repairing a relationship. You also put some expectant couples in groups with trained leaders and found years later that their satisfaction did not decline. Many people take Lamaze classes, learning how to breathe during childbirth, but few give much thought to what the next 20 years are going to be like.
Couples in our first study joined the groups when the wives were seven months pregnant and met weekly until the babies were 3 months old. The group helped them start thinking concretely about what life with the baby would be like and enabled them to talk about their ideas, worries, and confusion before and after the birth.
Six years later, the couples who remained married and had been in these groups were far more satisfied with their relationships. So when couples fight, what is it that they're usually fighting about?
Don't Blame the Kids: The Truth About Relationship Issues
New parents say it's the division of laborthe who-does-what in the family. When children become school-age, the issues of money and spending time together become more important. Don't couples' sex lives play a big role in their marital satisfaction? Sex is a reflection of how the rest of the relationship is going. If you feel hurt or misunderstood, or you and your husband are struggling over but not resolving issues, that affects how attracted, nurturing, and ready to have sex you'll be.
The frequency of lovemaking declines during the early months of parenthood when mothers especially are exhausted, but we find that most couples' sex lives rebound within two years. During that time, though, some partners may not initiate even snuggling or touching for fear that it will give the message that they're ready to have sex when they aren't. We advise couples to be perfectly clear: Many new mothers talk about feeling unattractive postpartum.
Seek out others to provide emotional support Set healthy boundaries with your child Remind yourself and your child of your roles in the home Children may also be too dependent on their parents. This may happen when parents regularly make decisions or try to solve problems for their children instead of letting them safely venture out on their own. Children may also act in ways designed to get the approval of their parents, rather than coming up with their own thoughts, ideas, and interests.
When codependence becomes a problem, parents should: Give children a chance to take on age-appropriate tasks Allow children to safely solve their own problems Encourage children to develop their own interests Physical and Verbal Abuse Abuse requires immediate help and should be reported, but not all physical and verbal abuse leads to hospital visits, nor does it always take place in the open.
In fact, even good parents can occasionally be guilty of abuse. They may hit a child or inflict pain on a child during a moment of stress. Other parents may use words to demean their children, regularly putting them down, yelling at them, or telling them they are not good enough. Seek help in situations by contacting the following for help: Emergency assistance for immediate danger - Call if a child or parent is in immediate danger.
Hotlines - Contact a national child abuse hotline like Childhelp for help, support, and connection to local authorities. Local human services or assistance programs - Call your local state agency to report and seek assistance. If you are or suspect someone is abusing your child, getting help through therapy and other programs can help to lessen the impact on a child and improve your parenting style. Child abuse is clearly a parent problem and the focus on fixing it is on the parent - but children will react to abuse in different ways.6 Types of Unhealthy Father Daughter Relationships
While an abusive parent may not always recognize that he or she is being abusive, there are few things parents can do to stop abuse should it happen: Seek the help of a professional, like a therapist, counselor or doctor Look for signs of fear when a child approaches Listen to a child and stop negative behaviors if a child cries or says she is hurt Pay attention to other adults who express concerns Take a moment to step away and breathe when tempted to act out of anger Use only positive words and phrases when talking with children Occasionally, children may also abuse their parents.
As children grow stronger, they can start to hit, bite, or physically attack their parents in other ways.
They may also start to call their parents names or criticize them in other ways. Children may abuse their parents when they get angry and do not how to control their emotions, when they want to gain control, or even when they are under the influence of alcohol or illegal substances.