"Fighting is so good because your relationship is about growing and becoming the very best person . couple fight valentine's day arguing marriage . Instead, ask yourself — or your partner — what's the real issue at hand?. In episode , guest Francis Chan shares how he argues with his wife. Francis and his wife Lisa are the authors of the new book, You and Me Forever: Marriage in Light of Eternity. Francis, how do you and Lisa argue like Christians? I am a loser at that point, so it is like: Ok, humble myself. Treat her. If you're married, or in a committed relationship, you've probably noticed Couples' arguments are inevitable, but there are multiple ways to resolve them. When you get upset, can you “catch” yourself in the act of mindlessly copying .. Tips for Frustrated Couples · Couples—Stop Fighting Over Money!.
Seek to grow in self-awareness. Being in touch with your own true feelings is essential before you can constructively handle anger or conflict.
Neutralizing Arguments with Your Spouse
Anger is an emotion — neither right nor wrong in itself. There is no morality to feelings. Try to understand what prompted the feeling. Morality comes into play when you take a destructive action as a result of a feeling. Negotiation and compromise are essential in any marriage. If one wins, the other loses and builds resentment. In effect, both have then lost because the relationship is damaged.
Even when one spouse is wrong, permit him or her salvage self-respect. It may be necessary to walk or engage in some other physical activity in order to allow anger to dissipate. Such a period can allow a spouse to identify the issue more clearly and organize his or her thoughts, thus keeping the fight more on focus.
Pin down a time and place.
25 Ways to Fight Fair - For Your Marriage
Be sure, however, that resolving an issue is not postponed indefinitely. After cooling off, pin down a time and place to continue. For example, after the news goes off and in the living room — not in the bathroom doorway while brushing teeth.
Fight by mutual consent. A fair fight requires two ready participants. Stick to the subject. When a number of issues seem to be accumulating, present them one at a time. If you have not resolved past issues, put them on a current or future agenda. Make sure both of you go beyond skirmishing, insult rituals, or angry displays.
Shooting broadside like a roaring cannon prevents resolution. State the issue honestly and clearly. Resolving every argument with your spouse may seem impossible at first thought. You may be thinking, "Yeah right--you've never met my mate!
My wife, Erin and I discovered this while in the middle of a heated argument. During my doctoral studies, I was required to take a class in research design. I knew I was in trouble when during the first class meeting, the professor recited a list of statistical concepts and formulas that we should know. My stomach sickened when nothing he said sounded remotely familiar. I rushed home and informed Erin that I was dropping the class. Unfortunately, Erin didn't think quitting was the answer and a major argument erupted.
The conflict might have lasted longer except my two year old daughter, Taylor interceded. The shock of being reprimanded by our two year old caused us to double over with laughter. Once the tense moment had ended, Erin and I realized that our disagreement was starting to cause hurt feelings and emotional injury.
We were definitely not abiding by Philippians 2 and honoring one another.
As a result, we used the following four steps to resolve our conflict. For many couples an argument is a time of heightened emotions. Because it can be difficult to think clearly, physically distancing yourself can help your emotions to settle. However, never leave without giving an explanation or without agreeing to resume the discussion at some later time.
25 Ways to Fight Fair
Communicate to uncover hidden needs. Erin and I would not have resolved our disagreement without having made a transition from intense conflict to some type of useful communication.
In other words, we needed to get past the arguing and selfishness towards some productive dialog.
The best way to do this is found in James 1: But let everyone be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger. As you attempt to clarify the conflict, repeat, using your own words, your mate's position. Actively listen and understand what your mate is saying.