Parent-Child Relationships | The Glendon Association
How do the ambivalent feelings that parents have toward themselves affect their limitations in relation to their ability to provide their children with the love and Your browser does not currently recognize any of the video formats available. Dealing with ambivalence, relationships, dating, Advice. get results, so you can behave as though a loving relationship is a strong priority. Love Avoidance and Love Ambivalence cause individuals to lose their voice in relationships, which leads to secretive behavior.
Ambivalent Relationships Will Ruin You
The needs and requests of a partner, family member, or employer can feel overwhelming. Denial and avoidance become habits that keep the avoidant from being seen.
Paradoxically, the individual will often want more, but will go outside the relationship to get the desired intensity. It feels safer that way.
The intensity can manifest in many forms; sex, work, shopping, drugs and alcohol are a few of the coping strategies. Most avoidant individuals long for love however there is a lack of trust usually warranted by childhood engulfment that keeps them from feeling safe with intimacy.
Most Ambivalent individuals get caught up in the swing from anxious to avoidant — staying unavailable for intimacy and living in the question mark. Five Sisters Ranch helps love avoidant and love ambivalent residents find their voice and use it. When the secretive behavior is defined and understood, it is a starting point to getting honest about the underlying causes that are creating the love avoidance that often leads to depression.
- What is Love Avoidance and Love Ambivalence?
When the a resident has difficulty deciding whether or not to leave a relationship, staying indecisive leads to not being able to move forward. This freezing can lead to a combination of anxiety and depression. In addition, parents extend both sets of feelings — the positive and the negative — that they have toward themselves, to their children.
VIDEO: Ambivalent Feelings All Parents Have - PsychAlive
The fact that parents sometimes feel angry or resentful toward their children does not negate their love or concern for them. How can parents distinguish between emotional hunger and genuine love for their child? Feelings of emotional hunger may be experienced as deep internal sensations, ranging in intensity from a dull ache, to a sharp pain, a general distress, or desperate longing.
Often a parent will seek physical contact with a child in an attempt to relieve this ache or longing.
Ambivalent Relationships Will Ruin You | Thought Catalog
However, this type of physical affection drains rather than nourishes the child. It is a form of taking from rather than giving to a child.
In contrast, emotional hunger may be expressed in a number of behaviors: The major source of the limitations that parents face in raising children can be found in their families of origin and in the defenses they formed in relation to interpersonal pain brought about by their own childhood experiences of rejection, hostility, separation trauma and loss. The defenses that parents developed in their own childhoods limit their ability to consistently offer their children the love, affection and concern they naturally feel toward them.
If parents grew up in a hurtful home situation, they defended themselves by attempting to cut off their feelings of pain, however, in doing so, they necessarily had to cut off feelings of compassion for themselves and others.
When these feelings resurface, parents may unintentionally retreat to a more detached state and may be unable to respond with sensitivity. In addition, parents teach their children their own defenses and ways of coping with life. These defenses, which may have served as survival techniques for parents during their childhoods, are passed on to their children directly through instruction, reward, and punishment, and indirectly through the process of imitation.