We don't have to accept everything that happens to us. But when it comes to the end of a relationship—acceptance is really the only good. But, moving on amounts to accepting and embracing the present, the Mourn - You sacrificed a lot for your marriage (or relationship) and it. Ending a relationship is never easy - and it can be even harder if there is But it is important to come to terms with this new reality and accept it.
In making up your mind to move on, you may find the strength your partner is looking for. Name and address withheld Don't plead - move on I would think twice about believing that someone who could dump me via email is the right one for me. If she does something like that once, she may well do the same sort of thing again. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where I was in the position of pleading, so I think I would prefer to acknowledge the pain and then move on.
Gopa Campbell, Albuquerque, New Mexico What the expert thinks You must both be resilient, because you have been under continual stress for some time and yet you are still coping. You must also share a positive outlook, because you started a new relationship and maintained it for five years, despite the fact that your previous relationships offered little grounds for optimism. Nevertheless, somewhere along the way you have stopped communicating fully with one another. That's why your partner's email came as an unwelcome shock.
If you had been clear with one another all along, its contents would have surprised you less. Your partner told you that she's ending the relationship because she needs someone strong. She didn't say she no longer cares for you - in fact, she must care, because she waited until she thought you would be strong enough to bear it.
Therefore, the best way to understand her reasoning is to examine your respective ideas of what it means to be strong.
I can't accept the end of our relationship
She sees you as weak. You, on the other hand, were probably beginning to feel strong as you neared the end of your divorce proceedings.Should I Give Up And Move On: When To Fight For A Relationship And When To Let Go?
Why didn't she sense this? If you imagine the situation from her point of view, perhaps you will realise how this misunderstanding arose. You say your divorce has been dragging on for several years. Could she have lost faith in your ability to be strong because in all that time, you have not managed to bring the dispute to a conclusion? Have you given her a date when you expect the proceedings to be over? Perhaps she also considers you weak because you have not found another job.
I know that sounds harsh and materialistic, but it's a pragmatic view.
If she has two teenagers to raise and her ex is uncooperative, she may feel she can't risk taking any financial responsibility for you as well. What does she know about your efforts to find another job? These suggestions may allow you to start unraveling what your partner meant when she says she needs someone strong, and why she doesn't see you that way at the moment. If you can sort out this misunderstanding, you will be able to decide whether you're willing to accept her definition of fortitude and whether you wish to offer her that kind of strength.
You say you have provided one another with support, but not everyone equates support with strength. Reply first in writing. Explain that you wish to understand what she means when she suggests you are not strong, because you do not perceive yourself as weak.
Make it clear that you don't wish to challenge her - that you simply want her to be more specific.
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Ask if she will meet to talk about this, and allow her to choose when that will happen - it is a sign of strength to show that you're willing to wait. If she agrees to talk, hopefully you will be able to clear up your misunderstandings, and at best resume your relationship. At the worst, you will part - but if you have spoken honestly, at least you will have understood one another. Whatever happens, you will have defined what you mean by strong, so you will know which aspects of your character to emphasise when you encounter difficulties in the future.
Accepting the End of a Relationship You Want to Keep
If you would like to respond to this week's problem, please post your comment below. Even if you suspected your relationship was ending, you wanted to keep it alive. You were holding on with hope and faith. I feel like myself again.
Accepting the End of a Relationship You Want to Keep ~ She Blossoms
Take time to be sad. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to mourn the end of the relationship.
Refocus your thoughts to acceptance. Remember all the reasons the relationship ended and how unhappy you were.
Accepting the end of a relationship is hard because you wanted to keep it alive. You had goals, dreams and plans for a future together.
Even if you knew a breakup was coming, you hoped for a miracle. You thought love would win. You wished things would change.
Whether or not you expected the breakup, you will find healing and hope when you accept it. Acceptance brings healing and hope for the future. Accepting the End of Your Relationship God never turns our world upside down without changing us for the better. Allow your world to be topsy turvy Give yourself time to grieve the end of your relationship.
Some may end, others may become stronger. Right now your world is upside down. Let it be so. Accept the pain you feel that your relationship ended even though you wanted to keep it going. Allow your heart to be broken and your pain to flow through you. Now is the time to grieve.